My husband and I are both working. Between office and household responsibilities, we seem to have lost time, energy and drive for sex. Any suggestions for bringing the zing back?
Radhika says: My husband and I are both working. Between office and household respon-sibilities, we seem to have lost time, energy
and drive for sex. Any suggestions for bringing the zing back?
It's funny isn't it, how today with all sorts of labour and time-saving devices, people are even shorter on time and energy than they were 20 years ago?
Here's a likely scenario: the fruit is in the juicing machine while dinner is cooking in the microwave, the dishes are being done in the dishwasher and clothes being laundered in the washing machine. And when all of that is done, there is the mind-boggling question of what to watch on TV before crashing into bed.
No wonder people are tired! If there are kids in the family, there is a whole other level of things to be decided and done.
There are 24 hours in the day for everyone and yet some people are rushed off their feet while others seem serenely in control. Are there any activities that you and your husband can cut out of your day to make room for something more meaningful? Do you make time to centre yourself?
Note that the question is 'Do you make...?' not 'Do you have...?' Do the two of you make time for at least one conversation a day? I am talking quality, not quantity, here. Sex is not likely to happen unless you are connected with each other. It goes deeper than creating an ambience of seduction or wearing sexy underwear.
Do you do things together? It could be as simple as you both going for a daily walk for half an hour and using that time to reconnect. Or taking a few hours out every weekend to watch a movie together or simply going for a drive or a swim together. Anything. The key thing to remember is to create some 'Me' time and some 'We' time. The zing will follow. 'Me' time + 'We' time = 'Yippee!'
Radhika Chandiramani is executive director of TARSHI, an organisation that works on issues of sexuality. She is a trained clinical psychologist. Write to her at radhika.c@preventionindia.com, visit the FAQs page at www.tarshi.net or call 011-26472229, Mon to Fri 9.30 am to 5.30 pm.
